Ladies and gentleman, I am now an augmented human being. This morning I had a long-surviving baby tooth yanked (or rather, sawed out, damn thing was fused to my jaw) and an implant put in its place. The implant is a fairly low-tech titanium screw (I guess old technology is the best…) that they inserted into my jawbone, after drilling a small hole. The surgeon actually twisted the screw in with a wrench. I was chuckling a bit at the time – I felt like a I was a car in for a visit to the mechanic.
The experience itself was not nearly as traumatic as I thought it might be. I elected to do it without sedation, which, though it meant I had to endure half an hour of power-tools in my mouth while still in possession of my mental faculties, made the aftermath much more bearable because I wasn’t groggy and stunned all day. They let me listen to my iPod (Harry Manx is very relaxing) and, between that, the freezing which meant I couldn’t feel half my face, not having my glasses on, and bright lights in my eyes, I felt like I was in some kind of “altered state” anyway. For a guy who is fearful of all things dental, I felt pretty detached about the whole thing.
I was fairly nervous during the preparations, and so compensated by cracking jokes to the nurses and surgeon. I knew I wouldn’t be able to joke around once they actually started messing around in my mouth, so I tried to cram in as much mirth during the pre-op as I could. Here’s some of my better material:
(When the surgeon was drying his hands at one point he accidentally broke the paper-towel holder.)
Me: Should I infer from this that my surgeon has bad hands?
Him: Nah, the paper-towel holder is spring-loaded. This happens to everyone.
Me: I see
Him: If you want to see how a surgeon’s hands are, take them to a restaurant and see how they cut their dinner.
Me: Good advice. Wait, are you trying to get a free meal out of me?
I regret, when the nurse commented that I’d “held on to that baby tooth for a long time”, I wasn’t snappy enough to ask if the tooth-fairy paid compound interest.
So, here I sit, taking it easy. My jaw hurts but the painkillers are making life bearable. I spent the afternoon reading the Epic of Gilgamesh and playing computer games. Shengrong, bless her heart, has made two kinds of soup for dinner.
two kinds of soup… wonderful.