ScrimismsPresently suffering a dearth of witticisms
News20 Sep 2007

As I type this, I’m sitting on a bed for the first time in a week. I’ve been sleeping on an air mattress up until now. Which beats the floor, I suppose. I spent a good part of the day assembling the aforementioned bed, because I got it at Ikea.

I’ve never been in an Ikea store before. Let me tell you, it’s quite an experience. A little like landing on the moon, if the moon were made of endless corridors of tastefully decorated bedrooms, kitchens, home offices, etc. It’s a huge store, and the first thing you do when you walk in is pick up an honest to god map.

Even with map in hand its easy to wander aimlessly and lost from department to department, especially when one has broad objectives in mind (I need a bed, and a table, and some chairs, and some lamps, and anything else that goes in an empty apartment….). Before I’d settled on any particular purchases, I’d gotten hungry. Ikea to the rescue! In the middle of the store is a restaurant. I stopped and ordered a plate of swedish meatballs and potatoes in gravy. It was actually pretty good. I can safely say it was the best furniture store food I’ve ever had.

Eventually I picked out a bed and arranged to have it delivered. It arrived today, in a box with dimensions of roughly 4 inches x 4 inches x 6 feet (not including the mattress).

I’m not the most “handy” person in the world, but I was able to put the bed together without too much grief. The pictographic instruction book really reminded me a lot of that other great noridic export: lego. I built a lot of lego castles and spaceships as a lad, so putting the bed together was a bit of a nostalgia trip.

I also bought a couple of lamps.

Ikea is a brand whose hint of smug superiority reminds me a bit of Apple.

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